Monday, December 5, 2011

Was I being punked?

Off topic blog post: Dating 101

First, let me apologize to my blogger friends that are also my facebook friends as you may have heard some of this already.  Of course, have no fear, I will poor my heart and soul out on here and give you ALL the nitty-gritty details!

It's no secret I'm not married.  It's also no secret that I HATE dating!  Especially in my early 30's!  It's fun in your 20's as there are no expectations of "Why aren't you married yet."  I imagine it's fun in your 40's or 50's as I would think people have moved past the fact that you aren't married.  But in your 30's?  You get this a lot:  Why aren't you married?  What's wrong with you?  Are you crazy?  Are you gay? (Yes, it's true, people think it, they just may not vocalize it, although I have had it vocalized too! lol).

There is this underlying assumption and expectation that by a certain age (usually no later than 30), you should be married, about to be married (aka engaged), at least in a serious relationship that will eventually end with engagement and marriage, or at least have a kid (even out of wedlock)!  lol.  If you are single and 30, there must be something wrong with you!

So in true form, after my last relationship didn't work out (aka Mr. Nebraska), I decided to get back into it fairly quickly by joining  I soon realized that it was a mistake.  I thought I was ready to date or at least it would help me forget about Mr. NE.  It didn't.  And a few months into it, I realized every single person that showed interest in me, I turned down.  I did try to show interest in a few others with no luck.  But as some family/friends pointed out, I wasn't giving ANYONE a chance.  I would see their email and roll my eyes and either dismiss it altogether or respond with a polite "not interested" email.  (With you can pay for 6 months and get an additional 6 months free.  But with this you have to send at least 5 emails to new people every month.  Therefore, I would use my "rejection emails" to people as part of my 5 emails so I wouldn't have to pay for the second 6 months).   It's a way to cheat the system!  lol

After about 4-5 months of this, and with the suggestion of my cousin, I decided to give one a chance.  My cousin was thrilled and told me to get drunk, naked and make bad decisions or at least naughty ones.  We will call him Mr. Lithuanian (my cousin and I always give them names so it's easier to remember them by, i.e. Veggie Man, Marathon Man, etc.).  Mr. Lithuanian made reference to a Lithuanian dish they were eating on Thanksgiving, hence the name.

DATE DAY.  It wasn't confirmed we were going out that day.  I emailed him with the suggestion of going out that day (Sunday) or next weekend.  He emailed me at about 10:00 a.m. telling me he was going to call me in a "few moments."  I guess that meant about 3:00 p.m. (problem #1).  Fine, I'll look past that.  He was watching the Bears game with his dad.  He asked me if I wanted to go out for and early dinner "like right now."  Uh, sure...I'll be up for that.  We decided to meet at 4:30 (as I was traveling out his way).  He suggested meeting in a church parking lot and taking a walk to look at Christmas lights on the way to the restaurant and then also walking back a different way to look at more.  I thought that sounded kind of nice!

Wait, did I tell you want almost the first thing he said to me was on the phone?  After the initial, "Hi, this is (Mr. Lithuanian), he proceeds to ask me, "Why aren't you married? What's wrong with you? Are you crazy?  I assume you are relatively intelligent so what's the deal?"  To which I respond, "What? Why aren't you married?"  Turns out he was joking as he proceeded to ask me if I had good balance, etc.  I was just a little taken aback (this should be problem #2 but I'll give him the benefit of the doubt since I'm incredibly sarcastic myself).

I rush to get there on time.  I was actually about 2 minutes late.  I assumed he would be there already because he said he lived right by this place.  I hate being late on a date!  Well, it turns out he was late, at least 10 minutes (problem #2 but I can easily overlook this!).   He also mentioned on the phone that he would bring some hot tea (since I mentioned I liked tea) for our walk (ok, bonus point #1).

We get there and go on our walk.  It was getting dark at this point and I probably should have been walking in a more well lit area but I didn't feel threatened by him and I had just gotten down with my self defense class the day more (more on Self Defense 101 next post) so I felt I could take him out! lol

Our walk was ok.  It was kind of a little too long with not enough Christmas lights to see.  Luckily the weather wasn't too cold so I wasn't completely freezing!  He did go past houses and make comments on who lives there, what is up with them, etc.  lol.  Ok so he knows the area well.  There were no sidewalks to walk on and we had to make sure we didn't get hit by a car on the way! 

Finally we get to the restaurant which was Italian food (bonus point #2 for picking Italian).  Normal date conversation proceeds.  After dinner, well of course the bill comes.  He doesn't say anything when he looks at it and proceeds to mess around with getting money out.  Now, what I typically do it offer to pay for my half.  What I expect on a first date is for him to tell me, "Oh no, I got this! Don't worry about it!"  So here is what happened:

Mr. Lithuanian: (Reaches in pocket for money)
Me: Oh well, I'll pay for half!
Mr. L: Ok.
Me: (Completely speechless, would have started to laugh if he weren't there)
Me: Oh well, I wasn't sure what your thoughts are on that topic.
Mr. L: (Says nothing).

Uh, really?  He just let me pay for half?  On the first date? (Problem #3 and 4...because it's such a big problem!).  I have no mind paying for myself when we are several dates in.  But I think the way it goes on a first date is: he offers to pay, female offers to pay for half, he definitely DOES NOT let his female date pay for half!  He even came back after leaving the tip, had $2 left and gave one to me and kept one.

Fine.  I got an inside chuckle out of this and we left.  Walked back a different way that had more sidewalks so as not to get run over.  He proceeded to tell me where he went to elementary school, which window was his third grade class and what his teachers name was, showed me where just about all his old childhood friends lived and gave me their names (first and last), showed me where he used to skateboard, etc.  Really, I am NOT making this up!  (I really think this is Problem #5 actually!).

I could tell he was trying to get a feel for my comfort level with him as while giving me a rundown on his childhood, he was more touchy with my arms and even tried to put his arm around my shoulders and keep it there for a minute.  I made sure to keep my hands nice and warm in my pockets so there would be no attempt for him to grab one!

I forgot to give you problems #6, 7, and 8!  He lives with his parents!  He's 35 and lives with his parents!  Ok, he has a semi-good reason for this: he cut back on his work and is getting his PhD.  But really, in my opinion, at 35 years old you should NOT move back in with your parents unless you ABSOLUTELY have to!  (It really does put a wrench in dating, btw).  In this day and age and with the economy, some good reasons are: you temporarily got laid off, your parents are ill and you need to care for them, your parents lost their job and you are helping them out...

We finally get back to our cars after making it through his entire childhood looking at Christmas lights.  I was relieved because I really had to use the bathroom (note to self: always use the bathroom before you leave the restaurant).  We talked a little more by the cars and he asked if I wanted to go bowling next time (since I said I liked bowling and he does too).  I said sure as I try not to be too judgmental (can you tell?) and thought I would give him another chance. 

Now before the awkward end of a date where someone is deciding if they should go in for a goodnight kiss, I usually make it a habit of going in for a goodnight hug!  I also make it a habit of turning my head so as there is no question I am not interested in said "goodnight kiss".  So in true form, I go in for my hug, he plants a big kiss on my cheek (lol) and gives me a bear hug of all bear hugs that I didn't think he would ever let me go!  And in which I thanked him for dinner (I should have instead thanked him for letting me pay for my half of dinner) and the walk and said goodnight and which he finally let me go!  I got in my car played with a few things, turned my car on and looked up to see him half hanging out of his car waving at me!  Uh...of course I waved back!  You can't not no matter how strange that is.

I mean, seriously!  Am I being punked here?  Where is Ashton Kutcher?  Where is Candid Camera?  Where?  Where I ask you!  It's got to be here somewhere!

Of course, he texted me later to thank me for the date and to inform me of a good Hallmark Christmas movie that was going to be on at 9:00 p.m. that night.  lol.  (Really, where are the cameras?)

Did I miss anything here?  I really don't think so.  That just about sums it up.  Yes, I will give it another chance.  First dates can be weird, especially blind first dates!  I really don't think my opinion will change much but hey, you never know.  Maybe he will let me pay for the entire second date?? 


  1. snort. I have to laugh a little because I went through a bunch of crap like that on dating websites until I met my husband on one. So there can be a happy ending you just have to deal with a bunch of midgets wearing leather trench coats who driver old beat up chevy cavaliers. <<<---See it wasn't that bad!

  2. Haha! That's awesome!!

  3. If he let you pay for your half on the first date, that is probably what he will expect from now on. :/

  4. Well, I told him yesterday when he asked for a second date, that I only wanted to go as friends for now. He was cool with that. lol. Looks like I'll be paying for myself anyway!

  5. Oh man I don't miss dating. I do however love READING about dating :)

    Maybe you need some eHarmony? Those commercials imply that it's almost like getting a mail order custom husband.

  6. Kara - I did eharmony a few years ago. Same issues. Maybe a little better but the site sucks! lol

  7. My friend currently goes on plenty of fish for hours. He won't give up he has to find a soul mate.