Thursday, May 24, 2012

Summer Blues

Summer is upon us! OK, technically it’s still spring. But with some of the temps lately, I’d say it’s summer! And I love summer! I love the heat. I love to sweat. I don’t turn the air conditioning on at my house unless there will be a string of days in the 90’s. Open the windows, go outside, it’s all fun!

So my question to myself is, why am I feeling so blue? Why am I in this constant state of depression lately? My problems are nowhere near as bad as so many other people’s problems. I hate complaining about anything! I try not to. I’m usually a really upbeat person with a smile on my face the majority of the time. So I haven’t been talking to anyone, about anything. If I don’t want to complain about my “minor” problems or if I’ve already mentioned them to someone and figure I don’t want to keep burdening them with these stupid (in my mind) problems, then I just keep everything to myself. And that can be a very lonely place to keep everything.

So I guess I’m using this blog to get it all out. I’m not going into specifics about my issues but even venting about it right now will hopefully make me feel better. Although I’ll be honest, even as I’m typing this I’m starting to cry. It happens a lot lately (although not in front of anyone). It happens as I’m driving to the train sometimes, or as I pull up to my house in the car, or while I’m watching TV in the evenings, or even sometimes when I’m sitting at my desk at work.

As I won’t be naming all the issues, I’ll list a couple. One issue is that I’m tired all the time. It’s so bad lately that as soon as I wake up, I think about the next time I can take a nap or go to sleep! I’ve always been this way to an extent but lately it’s been really bad. My eyes hurt all day. I think about all the things I want or need to do and how can I fit it all in, but I’m lacking the motivation and energy to do it all. And even when this crept up really bad this most recent time, I was eating properly so I wasn’t eating sugar all day long making me crash and become tired or something. I know that I’ve been diagnosed in the past with anemia. And I haven’t been taking ANY vitamins at all in months. So yes, my iron level could be extremely low, which causes fatigue. But instead of just starting to take over the counter medications again, I decided to go to the doctor and have a whole string of blood tests done just to see if there was anything else wrong. I haven’t received the results and I’m kind of irritated by that! Lol. I was going to call yesterday but decided to give it one more day and sure enough, that department is closed today! Figures. I’ll try again tomorrow.

Another problem is that I’ve gained weight. I’ve gained about 20 pounds in the past two years (about 10 pounds a year according to my doctor’s records). Some of it is my fault, sure. But I’m just not sure it all is my fault. Maybe if I figure out what’s going on with me medically, I can figure this issue out too. But I’m just not happy about it. None of my clothes fit anymore. I look like a blob of mess in all my pictures. My face looks fat. I’m reminded of the person I used to be before I lost any weight back in 2007! I’m nowhere near that weight but it’s just been really hard and really exhausting. When I think I’m making progress, I get derailed even further.

Two steps forward, four steps back. It’s been the story of my life lately.

I feel like I’m moving in slow motion. Monday I had off because of the NATO summit protests here in Chicago and I had all these plans of things I wanted to do. But I couldn’t even get out of bed and when I did, I went and laid on the couch. There was a fun run on Monday I never get to go to that’s held by the local running store because I’m always working, but since I didn’t have to work, my plan was to go. And I almost skipped it! I had no motivation to leave the house! Of course, I went and felt better and even came home and mowed half of the lawn before it got dark out.

Ok, enough of the complaining! Because what I’m going to do is focus on all the things that make me happy (or keep me busy). I love running in the summer. Sure it’s hot, but unless it’s in the 90’s, I still love it. I love to get sweaty. I love to look at sweaty shirtless men running too (added bonus). Nothing sexier than sweaty runners in my opinion! That look of “I’m about to die!”…. ahhhhh!!!! Hotness! Haha!

So running…love it! Also love flowers and vegetable gardens. Ok, I’m not digging the prepping of my garden (digging, get it??)…I actually am digging it. And because I don’t do the proper maintenance care before the winter, I think it’s extra tough to re-start in the summer. But I love planting my vegetables and seeing them grow and reaping the fruits (uh, vegetables) of my labor. I’m a little behind on where I want to be with it right now but I’ll get it done by this weekend.

What else do I love? My nephew! I do love him! Lol. And in the summer, he comes to visit! He will be coming for about a month around June (in from Columbus, Ohio).

I love less clothes! I do love wearing shorts and tank tops and not having to put on several hundred layers before going outside!

I love going to the beach (although I rarely go)!

I love driving around in my convertible! Although I’m sad because I need to get a new car. And I don’t love that my current car has black leather seats and the air is broke, so if it’s above 90, I still have to put the top down and basically bake in the sun/heat! But that’s a minor problem and one I won’t complain about (except when the metal part of the seat belt burns me, or when I forget to sit on something on the black leather and scald my legs and jump up and scream like I’ve just seen a spider!).

I’m sure there are more things I love. But right now, as I was typing the beginning and starting to cry, thinking about the things that make me happy about summer started to make me smile. So that’s my goal. I’m going to focus on the things that make me happy. Stay busy. Keep smiling. And definitely keep running!


  1. Well there are parts of this I could have wrote myself! Including 12lbs I have put on in the past year. Keep your head up. It will all turn around. Hopefully the doc will give you some answers too.

    1. Thanks Kathleen!! Man! Some of the crap we deal with is a pain in the ass, huh??
      I found it's anemia and vitamin d deficiency. Right now, over-the-counter vitamins and check back in 3 months. I'm pretty confident it will do the trick though (at least mostly).