Last Friday I had my first marathon panic attack! I started getting nervous about family and friends not coming to help support me! That's actually not true. My personal trainer said he would run some of the end with me. My parents said they will come and support me and my cousin Nick said he is a maybe. I'll also have my running group running in it, which I will start with one of the girls and run with her for a while. My charity group will be there also cheering us all on.
But I still found myself short of breath thinking of the marathon and possible failure! I actually know that there will not be failure! I know I can do the run. Sure, it will be tough physically and mentally, but I know I can do it.
Then I get home and what do I find in the mail...
This past Sunday was my "Ready to Run 20-miler". This run is supported by the running organization that I'm a part of. It's to help prepare you for the marathon.
The morning was a little cool. I also had to get up at 3:30 am! But the night before, I went to bed early. I had eaten the proper foods that day and drank a nice (but not too much) amount of water.
About 6 am, while in the city, we saw a rainbow. It's rare to see one in the city. I thought it was good luck. Others thought it meant there will be rain. I said that it wouldn't rain because it wouldn't rain until the evening (I was wrong). Then right before my wave group got to the start line, a bird pooped on us. It got on about 3-4 of us (myself included). Now I was for sure thinking that this was most definitely good luck! Right?? Had to be!
It started to rain about mile 3 and was pretty much raining about 75% of the run. It was fine at first but after about 10 miles, I pretty much had enough of it! I also felt tired. I was hurting. I was just tired. I had been on my feet a lot on Saturday and a lot the morning of the race standing around. I think that played a huge part in it.
I also left my headphones and my garmin watch at home! I couldn't believe it! I really wanted those two things! Note to self: make a list for marathon morning!
I stayed with our pace group until about mile 12. I was running with a running friend. We were both getting a little tired. We kept our pace group in our sites until about mile 14. I had to use the bathroom and my friend needed to stretch. We decided to let the pace group go on ahead. I thought, we could just spend a few minutes doing this, bathroom and stretching, and maybe that will help us get through the last 6 miles.
Didn't really work. We had a rough run. I was tired and getting cranky. I kept saying "I don't want to do this anymore." But I kept running. We stopped at the water stops for the water/gatorade. And we stopped to walk maybe 2 other times. But the last 2 miles, I just kept running. I wanted it to be over. It hurt for me to stop and walk. Running felt better. But I was so tired of running. It was a catch 22! My friend told me to go run ahead. Since there was less than 2 miles, I did go.
I finished the run. The run wasn't timed so I really don't know my official time. I think I finished around 3:30 or so. Not bad. If I stayed with my run group, I would have finished at about 3:20 so I wasn't too far off.
I'm just a little mad at the way I felt. My body felt ok but my mind was crazy!
Overall, I'm glad it's over with. I know that that was not a typical 20 mile run. It was an "off" running day. It's ok. I felt great when I had done the 16 and the 18 mile runs before.
I posted on facebook the status of my run. With all the "miserable" stuff I put in there, I got a lot of "That's great!" or "Great job." But it was my cousin's comment of "I knew you would do awesome!" that got me! I was perplexed. Awesome? No where in my post did I say anything about the run being remotely awesome!
So I responded with "Awesome? I never said I did awesome. Unless awesome is to keep going when 90% of you wants to quit!"
And then I thought about it. Wait?? That is pretty awesome isn't it? I did want to quit. I wanted to stop running and sit down. I wanted a bus to come pick me up! But I didn't stop. I kept going. And I even ran the last two miles. That actually is doing pretty awesome!
So I made that my quote of the day...
"Awesome is when you keep going even after 90% of you wants to quit!"