Friday, January 14, 2011

Giving Up?

Who?  Me?  Giving up?  NEVER!  Giving up is not in my vocabulary!

Well, ok, it is in my vocabulary but where will giving up get you?

This post is inspired by a comment I received on my last post.  It was an anonymous comment, although I have since found out who it came from (ahem...a family member).  That is neither here nor there.  It struck a cord with me.

I see this comment a lot of the weight watcher message boards.  I also see it periodically on these blogs.

The type of "giving up" that I'm going to address here is when the person sounds desperate and at a loss and doesn't think there is any answer.  I actually almost can't stand the people that give up because they just don't want to try something or hate change and giving up is their way out.

I want this post to be to those people that want help or change but doesn't seem to think they can achieve it!

And who am I to tell you you can achieve anything you set your mind to?  You're right!  Who am I?  I can only speak from personal experience as another person.  As another one of all of you!

I know I've blogged a little about me before and my past and journey to get to the point I'm at today.  But I would like to tell the story again, if you don't mind.  And I don't want to read or post the last post I blogged about this.  I want it to be fresh.  I want to tell you what went through my mind as I read the anonymous comment.

What went through my mind when I read the anonymous comment about giving up was "Where would I be right now had I given up?"

Where would I be?  I probably would have the same job (because I got this job before I lost weight).  I'd have some of the same family and friends.  I may or may not have been ambitious enough to decide to buy my own home.  I may or may not be in a very great relationship right now.  And I definitely would NOT be under 200 pounds!  I definitely wouldn't be as confident as I am right now (although it's always a work in progress for me).  I definitely would not be considering running a FULL marathon this year.

I was never fat growing up.  I wasn't skinny either.  I was taller.  Bigger.  So that made me think I was fatter.  I wore a size 12 pants in high school.  I had a boyfriend in high school that held up a pair of shorts at my house and yelled out in disgust, "These are HUGE!"  All in all, he was more than likely joking but I know there was some truth behind it.  Because of all of this, I was insecure.  I wore plain clothes.  I hated dresses.  I never wore makeup or did anything with my hair.  I used humor as a way to combat what I really felt inside...that I wasn't good enough or pretty enough.

Hello and welcome to the freshman 15!  I didn't even go away to college, I stayed home, so there were home cooked meals.  Well, the freshman 15 actually turned into getting up to a size 20 pants at some point.  I pretty much stayed there.  I went back and forth between size 18's and 20's.  I don't care who you are, or how active you are, you do not feel good wearing size 20 pants.

And I was active.  I consistently went to the gym.  Sometimes I would work out 5 days (even 6 sometimes) a week!  I ate what I thought was healthy.  My mom didn't buy fattening food.  It was fat free all the way!  Fat free cheese, fat free chips, diet pop.  We ate chicken.  Cooked without oil or butter.

So needless to say, I was frustrated.  How can I work out 5 days a week and eat fat free foods and still be overweight?

I had resigned to being fat but fit.  That's what my "thing" was going to be.  Maybe you can be fat and fit at the same time!  Maybe I would never be thinner or under 200 pounds.  I even ran a half marathon in 2006 before this last attempt on weight watchers (oh yes, there were several weight watchers attempts).

But in my mind, I knew this wasn't true.  I knew that I should be able to lose weight.  At least SOME weight.  Other people do it.  I tried weight watchers one last time.

In my previous weight watchers attempts, I was online only.  There is nothing wrong with only being online.  But I knew that I never lasted with doing it only online.  This time, I was going to the meetings.  I was signing up, sitting with a bunch of strangers and staying there until I got to my goal!  This time, I was NOT GIVING UP!

This was in May 2007.  And I haven't looked back.  Even if some weeks were slow losing weeks (I was a slow loser after all), that's ok.  Even if I slacked off a few months, that's ok.  Even if I gained weight, well, that's not ok, but I didn't let that make me give up!

If I felt discouraged because my loss that day, week, month wasn't what I wanted it to be, I just looked back at the previous month or even year.  Where was I one year ago?  Chances are (with the exception of right now), I weighed less now.  Maybe 10 lbs?  That's ok.  That's 10 lbs less than I was one year ago.  Why is that something NOT to be proud of?  Even 10 lbs makes me want to kiss the president or founder of weight watcher's feet!  It makes me want to kiss my own feet for starting this journey one last time and not giving up!

I mentioned in the above paragraph "except for right now."  What does that mean?  Well, I did make goal and lifetime last summer.  And I held on to that without much problem.  Until November.  And I've been struggling since then to get back to where I want to be.  I'm currently over goal.  I resigned back up for weight watchers monthly pass last week.  I always continued to go to meetings though.  I never stopped after making lifetime.

But I'm a little unhappy with my current progress (or lack thereof).  Hm.  I could give up!  I could say this is too much trouble.  I made goal.  I'm done.  So what if I'm 10 lbs above goal.  I'm not 251.2 lbs, like when I started!  So maybe I'll just give up now.

WAIT!?!  Hold on a minute!  Why would I give up?  Why would I chance going all the way back to 251.2 lbs (or more!).  I say it won't happen, but I'm sure others have said the exact same thing that were in the same position I am in right now.  And I'm sure some have gained that weight back plus some.

Giving up will never get me where I want to be.  And giving up will never help me stay where I want to be.  So, even though I'm discouraged right now, it won't do me any good to give up.  I think it takes a stronger person to stay and keep trying.

And due to an insensitive and rude comment on my blog, I now have to start monitoring my blog comments.  Who hates people with no lives??  *raises hand*

And tomorrow is my weigh in!  Um...I didn't do what I should have done all week.  I did track only about 2 days.  So, I'm not hoping for much.  I would just like to see any type of loss tomorrow.  (Yes, my current weight on here is not accurate.  I'm too embarrassed to tell you I weight 170.6. lol).

8 comments:

  1. Im sorry someone was insensitive

    ReplyDelete
  2. That's right - don't give up!

    ReplyDelete
  3. Yep, you can never give up - even a small loss is a victory in my book!

    I toned down my wine consumption and ate some of my activity points - we'll see how that shows up on my weigh in tomorrow - good luck to us both!

    ReplyDelete
  4. Amanda, you have come so far that I know you will never give up! Besides, we know now what it feels like to "feel good" and I'm pretty sure we could never go back to that old feeling again. I like eating healthy and I know you do, too!Keep on keepin' on, girlie!

    Also sorry that someone was rude to you! There's always one in the crowd, you know?! Pay no attention! You are awesome :)

    ReplyDelete
  5. Marisa is totally right, Amanda. You ARE AWESOME! Heck, as far as I'm concerned, just not giving up and continuing to go to the weekly meetings even when we're struggling is a victory. If we did not, we would surely be heading in the wrong direction.

    I put on "a few pounds" on my holiday vacation and I am also struggling to get back to where I was. But if we continue to try, day by day, hour by hour, even minute by minute sometimes, we will get there!

    Ignore the rude jerks out there. They're only be rude because they have no self worth and therefore are lashing out at others.

    ReplyDelete
  6. you are too awesome! do not give up! you have come way too far! good luck!

    ReplyDelete
  7. You are awesome and thanks for sharing your story! Really, you've done amazing :)

    ReplyDelete
  8. Hope you are having a good week!

    ReplyDelete