Friday, December 10, 2010

Moment of Truth

Tomorrow is my moment of truth. I'm really not looking forward to it at all. It's back to weight watchers for me. I haven't been to a meeting in two weeks. I wasn't intentionally skipping but wasn't able to attend. But that's an excuse because I could always attend another meeting.

So maybe if I was being completely truthful, I was intentionally skipping and just using the fact that I couldn't attend my normal Saturday meeting as an excuse. But that's neither here nor there.

I also haven't weighed in at my meeting since November 13th when I weighed 161.2. I know for a fact, 100%, that I will be over the top of my goal range of 162. And that is the first time that will have happened since I hit goal and made lifetime in August.

So, yes, I'm a little upset. I'm a little depressed. And actually, I'm a little embarrassed. I know I shouldn't be embarrassed at all. This happens probably to everyone that has hit their goal weight at one time or another. It's part of life. Sometimes you lose focus, things feel like they are out of your control, and you slip a little. Then you slip a little more. Until you almost feel as though you have lost complete control and can never get it back.

I know, obviously, that's not true. I've been on this journey for far too long. I've had my ups and downs. I've always made it back to where I need to be. This is just one more step in my journey. Maybe I need to have this little slip so I can gain my control back and know where I want and need to be. Maybe I need to feel this way so I know that I never want to be back here (or back there, 90 lbs heavier) again!

But I also hate the fact that I'm supposed to be an inspiration to people that want to lose weight. But I feel like a failure! I know I'm not. I've only gained about 5 lbs (+/-). And the fact that I am going to try so hard to get back to goal could be an inspiration to some as well.

So, tomorrow I will be going to my weight watchers meeting at 10:30 am! I will be weighing in, facing the music and getting the new materials for the new plan.

Some people have been skeptical over the new plan. I'm kind of excited for it. Yes, it's right before the holidays, but so what? Now is as good a time as any to try a new plan and get back on track. I've heard a little of this and a little of that (bananas are now point-free!!) lol. But I'll reserve my comments (bananas are now point-free!!) until I get the new materials and try it out myself. (bananas are now point-free!!)

I think this may be just what I need to refocus. It may be difficult. The plan may be more complicated, but I think it's for the better! I've been so bored lately on the old plan that maybe I do need a completely new plan to concentrate on. Something that will make me think more.

I have the Chicago Police Department Written Examination tomorrow. What!?! ...you say? Well, about 4 years ago, I took the written exam and about 2 years ago, I took the physical part of the exam. I took it for a few reasons:

1. My aunt is a Chicago Police Officer and has always wanted me to take the test to be one.
2. I have a Criminal Justice degree
3. You never know if you might want to do something until you try. And if I don't take the test, I will never be able to do it anyway!

The written test, in my opinion, is kind of a joke. How can anyone fail this thing! Now, it's been 4 years since I've taken it and I'll reserve my opinion until after tomorrow.

I was 29 when I took the physical test. I weighed 215 lbs (down from 251 but have since lost an additional 50 lbs!). I didn't pass the physical test. I didn't train enough for it. Also, you have different requirements for every age decade. So I was in the 20 year old decade even though I was almost 30. The requirements are lowered when you are older. So, I would love to take the physical again! I'm older...lower requirements, and I'm 50 lbs thinner and more fit!

So even if I don't want to be a police officer, I would love to pass the physical test! Just to prove I can do it! Call me crazy! But that's really the only reason I do anything! Just to prove I can! I run half marathons just to prove I can! I'm going to try a full marathon this coming year, just to prove I can!

I will also be making fattening pizzelle cookies! I make them every year. I have to. I want to. I give most of them away anyway! Making these cookies may not be the best thing to make when re-starting your "healthy living" plan! But I'm going to calculate the points! How about that! I'm going to chew mint gum while making them because I actually love the batter for these almost more than the cookies themselves and maybe the gum will prevent any tasting throughout!

**Giveaway News: Tricia from Endurance Isn't Only Physical is having a great giveaway on her blog! For more info, check out her post here. And I mean, it really is a GREAT giveaway! Check it out!

3 comments:

  1. Glad you are going back to WW before it gets too out of hand.

    I don't think you should beat yourself up over 5 pounds - you are doing great and continue to be an inspiration! :D

    Have a great weekend!

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  2. You are getting things back in check and that's all that matters and you are showing people that you are trying to be accountable. Good luck on the test!

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  3. Don't beat yourself up for gaining a few pounds. That happens in maintenance and then you have to get back on plan, drop those pounds and move on!

    Good luck with your exam too!

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