You have to excuse the title of today's post. I don't even know if it makes sense but I think that pretty much sums up the way I feel about things! And it's been raining and gloomy here for the last several days. I'm sure that's not helping.
First of all, my eating! How frustrating that I snack on stupid things! It's so simple to eat the right way! Why do I eat the starburst that are sitting in a bowl across from my desk? Is it because everyone else is munching on them too?
Again, my meals are fine, those aren't my problem. But why did I eat those crackers last night and just keep digging in the bag? I wasn't hungry! I was frustrated! I just realized as I was writing this that I'm eating because I'm stressed and frustrated! Wow, this blog is therapeutic! :)
It's a vicious cycle, you are frustrated about a certain thing in your life, so you eat. Then you are frustrated because you are eating, so you eat! Well, if that isn't the most counter-productive thing I've ever heard!
So what am I stressed or frustrated about? Well, I got slightly depressed about a personal issue on Monday night so I ate. Well, ok, I'll admit to you, my very close blogger friends, the topic of that depression. If I can't bare my soul to you, who can I bare it to? It all started with The Bachelorette and continued on to a comedy movie with a predictable sappy love story ending, along with some other love story sappy something thrown in the middle of all this. I was feeling down about being single and not doing anything about it. So, curse The Bachelorette and her happy ending! lol.
I'm feeling better now. Toying with trying online dating again. I just have such a hard time meeting people to date. You get to a certain age and it become SO MUCH HARDER! Maybe it's just me because I'm very shy and reserved until I know someone. Whatever the reason, that's one frustration.
So while I was watching The Bachelorette, I was snacking on everything and anything with my head against the pillow day-dreaming (evening-dreaming??) of when someone says all those wonderful things to me! lol
Another source of my frustration? My nephew. Again, brief recap. My nephew and I are very close. I was 15 when he was born and did a lot of stuff for him/with him while he was growing up. He would go visit his mom and cry because he wanted to come back home to see me! I lived with him (with my parents) until he was 12. He now lives in Ohio.
He is back for the summer. We had a nice California vacation (with a few minor fights thrown in). Hey, he's 15! 15 is a crazy age for kids! I remember, I used to be 15!
Come to find the night before, he pierced his lip while at his cousin's house. My mom told me, he didn't. I asked my mom where he was and she said she just let him go to his cousin's house. Wait a minute? Back up the train? You what?
Ok, my nephew is a good kid. Gets good grades, doesn't really cause much problems. I really don't care about a lip piercing! What I do care about is that he knows that he is not allowed to get one until he is 18 (per my brother). And he hadn't told me or my brother about it. He only told my parents because that is who he is immediately going to see that day.
So, in my mind, he should NOT be at his cousin's house, the place where this took place! Long story...well, long...I made him go home (back to my parent's). I, of course, discussed it with my mom first and she agreed. She wasn't sure what to do. I think she lost her parenting ability since her kids haven't been 15 in over 15 years!
The source of this frustration is that I feel as though I have to be the parent! I'm not his parent, I really can't make decisions on anything without running it by people, but I've been like a parent his whole life. So it's kind of confusing and the lines are blurred between Aunt relationship and Parent relationship. But I felt I needed to do what I thought was right in this situation. He needs to know there are rules and he can't break those rules! It's not about the piercing, it's about RULES!
I'm sorry about the pity post. Like I said, the blog can be therapeutic and sometimes it's good to just bare your soul on here!